Making togetherness your holiday focus

Whether you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah, you are faced with the yearly dilemma of deciding how much is too much to spend on your children. A 2016 study revealed that parents spent an average of $422 on presents for each child in the family. Twenty-five percent of parents withdraw money from their 401K  or dipped into emergency funds to finance Christmas. Fifty-six percent went into debt and an alarming 16 percent knew going in that it would take them a full 6 months to pay off their holiday charges.

Hearing these statistics made me wonder: In a country where most of us live better than the rest of the world, is it necessary or even proper to spend this much cash on holiday giving? Does it detract from the true meaning? Or is it important to blend in with American culture and give our kids all that we can afford?

My family has always had a policy of moderation when it comes to gifts. I was struck with the following thought in one of those  crystal clear moments that end up defining your parenting philosophy: If I start giving my kids piles of presents at Christmas, they will come to expect the same year after year. But if I give them just a few well-chosen items, that’s all they’ll ever expect.

God must have been smiling down on me that day, because it was one of the greatest realizations I’ve ever had: Don’t start something with your kids that you don’t want to continue doing forever. This applies to virtually everything, including how you respond to temper tantrums, what you allow your children to do, and what kind of behavior you accept. It’s so much harder to change those behaviors long after they first began than to nip them in the bud early on or prevent them all together. That’s what we did with Christmas. And our kids have never questioned it.

The result has been a Christmas morning that is unhurried and joyous. We have always exchanged one nice present on Christmas Eve from each other, and no more than three presents on Christmas morning from Santa. One item may be a more expensive item, but the others are thoughtful, small, and bring smiles to faces. My children are now grown and no one has ever been anything but thrilled with this system. No one goes into hock to buy presents for family members; no one greedily rips open packages, barely acknowledging them; and most of the focus of the holiday stays where it should – on the reason for the season. We worship at a candlelight service, we eat traditional holiday meals, and we spend time together as a family. The specifics may change from year to year just to keep things interesting, but the one constant is our focus on  togetherness, not the materialism so often associated with this time of year.

What are your thoughts on holiday gift giving? Do you love to indulge your kids as much as possible, or do you prefer a toned-down Christmas or Hanukkah? I’d love to hear about your family traditions.

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