A mother’s thoughts on back-to-school

Most of us are familiar with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s Stages of Grief, generally applied to death and other horrible tragedies. Today, I provide a humorous twist on these stages as they apply to sending kids back to school after a long, long summer.

1. DenialThat is NOT another empty toilet paper roll, is it? They wouldn’t be so inconsiderate after I’ve yelled at them for two months, would they? What is wrong with these kids? Why can’t they think of other people? I know I didn’t raise them this way.

2. AngerTyler Frank Jerrigan! Get your butt into this kitchen right now! Please explain to me how a 15-year-old can eat every single ingredient I purchased for the casserole I planned to make tonight. Ricotta cheese? Seriously? What did you do – eat it out of the container with a spoon? I can’t believe I have to start hiding ingredients!

3. BargainingPlease, God, if you could just get me through the next two weeks or so, I think I can make it until school starts. I promise that I won’t hide the M&M’s and then lie when my kids ask me if I have any chocolate. I’ll do anything. Please!

4. DepressionHoney, there’s a bag of M&M’s underneath the garment bag on the top shelf of the closet. You have to use the step ladder to reach them. The step ladder is hidden under the bed. Get them now.

5. Acceptance – Is that the school bus I see rounding the corner? Is it turning down our street? Yay! School is starting! Have a great day, kiddos! I know this is going to be a fantastic year for you.

I’ll miss you.

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